Faith in Riji: A New Beginning

People of Riji, hear my words:

I am Janny. My skin is composed of the same soil of the ground below us, and my flesh is of the same air in the sky above us. I command upon no army and I follow no master; my liberty is an intangible quality of my very existence.

I am here to address various matters regarding Riji. The importance of these matters will be organized in a "least important" to "most important" fashion. 

Firstly, there is no disease in the punch bowl. Letting ants into the dining hall where the punch lies has not affected the integrity of the punch nor the bowl holding it. It is a necessary part of culturing the ritualistic funny juice, and it is safe for drinking at all times. The reported "side effects" of nausea, dizziness, paranoia, weakness, aching, confusion, and suicidal contemplation are all illusions constructed by invisible forces that are constantly trying to stop you from drinking my punch. You can defend from these attacks in the future by rubbing your palm in vaporub and lemon pepper; the scent will scare them off.

Secondly, Riji Day is very close. I expect nothing but the utmost best of all of you here. Riji Huudu is an important asset in the reclamation of superetheral humanist fulfillment. So, no talk of Jeb Patrick Peters until our guests have left the facility to catch butterflies and eat grass blades.

Thirdly, someone didn't put back the cornstarch properly. I am not mad, I just want to let whoever know that when you put the cornstarch back, you have to double-tie the rubber band around the opening of the bag. I know that it looks like it fits on just fine when you loop it once but it isn't. I spilled a considerably aggravating amount of cornstarch on my coding socks while I was making soup, and the complication resulted in a negative energy that permeated into my soup. The few that ate the soup were reportedly unhappy after consuming the soup, despite it's apparently delicious flavor and texture. 

Lastly, and most importantly:
I am making a full effort to redirect the sentiments and attentions of this loyal group of worship. For too long have we underutilized the capacity of Rijist members and clergy. I propose a conjoined effort to revive the spirit and great passion of Riji. Riji Huudu is a vehicle for this, and with Riji Day on the horizon this is just within reach. The following features are to be developed and implemented in the coming months:

• Rijipoint shop and functioning Riji-based rewards 
  
• Clergy inception and a new, reserved, and respected board for verified clergy to post quality Riji teaching and other resources on.
  
• Emojis
  
• Faith in Riji
  

I wish the best to you all. May we come together in quiet times to reignite Riji's Carnival.

Jubanda 10:31-32 "It came to me in a dream, indescribably fascinating in countless ways. Skeptic, I challenged the figure, but even my lucidity could not malform it. That is the nature of Riji. It is not a force that man can reshape himself, but one he can reshape with."